It was the shyest attempt I'd ever seen at conversation
If I didn't have You as my guide I'd still wander lost in Sinai,
Counting the plates of cars from out-of-state,
(how I could jump in their path as they hurry along!)
You surround me, you're pretty but you're all I can see,
like a thick fog -
If there was no way into God, I would never have laid in this grave of a body for so long.
I decided to make chili today with ryan and gina. Rough idea. For someone who is working on fasting, and keeping my mind off of food, filling a crock pot full of delicious meat and spices and letting it simmer for hours was an awful idea. HA. My whole apartment smelled DELICIOUS! Once 630 came around and the sun was setting i began an all out disgusting binge of shoveling food in my mouth... too graphic? I could go into more detail if ya like.
That was yesterday. Today was all about choking down Subway in the middle of my Paul class at 630 on the dot. Professor Willetts loved it i'm sure. Shoveling down a footie in approximately 3 minutes i almost exploded after that binge.
Now trying to relate all that with what God's doing in my life is a bit challenging soo i'm just going to go bluntly into this one with a few questions.
What's the big deal about fasting?
Why does it matter in my life currently?
Is it taking effect in anything i'm doing?
Here's the thing. Fasting for me is a declaration of submitting and surrender. TWO things i am awful at doing. Maybe i have a hard time laying my pride down, or maybe i'm just stubborn. But allowing my mind to have a goal of surrender during the day has been a cleansing trip. Surrendering my wants to a God who above all desires a relationship with me, desires an action in my life to seek him out daily. Why is this so hard? I think maybe the American-ness of life here has something to do with it. Anything and eeeerthing in my life draws me away from spending quiet time and worship with our creator. Things and stuff here take all my attention away, creating something simple to keep my mind amused when God intends us to dwell in him for our joy! I'm learning to do this.
SURRENDER. i need to surrender myself, to seek God fully. I would love to look back on this time and realize that God became bigger and I became less in my life.
Mathew 16: 24-27
"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay each person according to what he has done. Truly, I say to you, there are some standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom."
To live simply, so that others may simply live.