Wednesday, October 6, 2010


"Funny, it was me... it was me who let you down"
It was the shyest attempt I'd ever seen at conversation

If I didn't have You as my guide I'd still wander lost in Sinai,
Counting the plates of cars from out-of-state,
(how I could jump in their path as they hurry along!)
You surround me, you're pretty but you're all I can see,
like a thick fog -

If there was no way into God, I would never have laid in this grave of a body for so long.

Day 3+4

I decided to make chili today with ryan and gina. Rough idea. For someone who is working on fasting, and keeping my mind off of food, filling a crock pot full of delicious meat and spices and letting it simmer for hours was an awful idea. HA. My whole apartment smelled DELICIOUS! Once 630 came around and the sun was setting i began an all out disgusting binge of shoveling food in my mouth... too graphic? I could go into more detail if ya like.

That was yesterday. Today was all about choking down Subway in the middle of my Paul class at 630 on the dot. Professor Willetts loved it i'm sure. Shoveling down a footie in approximately 3 minutes i almost exploded after that binge.

Now trying to relate all that with what God's doing in my life is a bit challenging soo i'm just going to go bluntly into this one with a few questions.

What's the big deal about fasting?
Why does it matter in my life currently?
Is it taking effect in anything i'm doing?

Here's the thing. Fasting for me is a declaration of submitting and surrender. TWO things i am awful at doing. Maybe i have a hard time laying my pride down, or maybe i'm just stubborn. But allowing my mind to have a goal of surrender during the day has been a cleansing trip. Surrendering my wants to a God who above all desires a relationship with me, desires an action in my life to seek him out daily. Why is this so hard? I think maybe the American-ness of life here has something to do with it. Anything and eeeerthing in my life draws me away from spending quiet time and worship with our creator. Things and stuff here take all my attention away, creating something simple to keep my mind amused when God intends us to dwell in him for our joy! I'm learning to do this.

prayer request.

SURRENDER. i need to surrender myself, to seek God fully. I would love to look back on this time and realize that God became bigger and I became less in my life.

Mathew 16: 24-27

"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay each person according to what he has done. Truly, I say to you, there are some standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom."

To live simply, so that others may simply live.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Your Love is Strong- Jon Foreman

Heavenly Father, you always amaze me
Let your Kingdom come, in my world and in my life
Give me the food i need
To live through today

And forgive me as i forgive the people who wrong me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me, from the evil one

Day 2: Not much to say for today. Should i be expecting a mind blowing day each and everyday during this experience. I am not sure. What i know is that even though i may be hungry physically drained the Lord renewed my mind and spirit often throughout the day.

So why should i worry?
Why do i freak out?
God knows what i need.
Your love is, so STRONG!

Monday, October 4, 2010

Master & a Hound- Gregory Alan Isakov

Can you shake it up
Just once for me
Your little globe just so we can see
The snow blowing round your hands

Being back from Africa starting my last year of school has been quite the trip. I can't even express the feelings behind coming back into an American lifestyle experiencing what life is like here but enjoying the memories behind the style of living back at home (Nairobi). This month i've decided to travel. I'm traveling on a different road than i've normally been on. It's traveling not by plane, not state to state, or by country. I've decided to travel within myself on a different level than i could ever imagine. I welcome yall to read and experience it with me.

I'm making the commitment to Ramadan. (30 day fasting while the sun is up)

I'm making this commitment to explore the surrender and trust building aspect of a self-less faith in which your belief becomes a higher priority than your own wants. In my case my faith in Jesus Christ becomes a radically realistic part of my life in which i need to rely on Christ not just for my own personal wants, but on my everyday needs.

I am prepared to document this journey to all interested. Beginning today, the day of reflection and commitment.

Today i spent about 5 hours alone in my apartment. I can't really say i have been able to do this since moving back to Chicago. Feeling the pains of hunger and boredom my eyes were opened to a realization that self satisfaction in entertainment and food have dominated my life unnecessarily. My focus has been on supplying for the wants of my humanness more than sacrificing my life for what really matters, building God's Kingdom. It's easy for me to get wrapped up in this world with the struggles of course work and the dramas of college life. I battle with a life where i merely try and fit God into my plans, rather than having satisfaction living in communion with God in this life.

Psalm 25

"To you O Lord, I lift up my soul
Oh my God in you i trust
let me not be put to shame
let not my enemies exult over me"

Indeed none who wait for you shall be put to shame
[..] make me to know your ways O lord.

I'm still exploring what living a life of faith looks like. I'm exploring a life where "the focus" is not in this world but in THE KINGDOM!

I look forward to seeing where this journey will take my heart and mind. I long too see Christ daily. I long to hear his voice and experience his presence.

And the wing-nut turned
The song that we both know
Sent us flying round the carnival
You can throw all your lucky coins on me