Your love is all i need
When i call you, you will answer me
Do you ever feel like the days you have here are dragging out? Like your just waiting for the amazing moment in life where your questions or dreams become reality? With transparency in mind i say to you, i feel this all too often. In fact i feel this way about life, yet i know that life should NOT be lived in this manner. In fact God speaks in Ecclesiates 11 "Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth." and in Proverbs 15:13 A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.
In this way i feel God calling us to a life full of joy and satisfaction IN HIM each day, THROUGH HIM. But the realities of life on earth here seem to weigh heavy on me. i feel overwhelmed, i feel unsatisfied. I ponder on years past, retrieving feelings of Joy that had carried me through.
Last year on this date looking back i was in Nairobi, Kenya. I woke up early in the morning, eating breakfast with my team; a community. After breakfast Luke, Russia, Steve-o and I headed to a Nairobi Chapel service, we were worshiping together in the church where Steve-o was raised. I remember the service was held in a large tent outside and we sang both in Kiswahili and English. Steve-o had the biggest smile on his face, and the three of us (mizungus) had a joy upon us as carefree as a Kenyan, laughing amongst our new brother. After the service we headed home, blessed with a ride from a few canadian missionaries, we made it back to our place to indulge in some peanut butter and jelly before the trip downtown Nairobi. We were heading downtown to see a group called Jars of Clay, who by chance was playing a benefit show in Nairobi in efforts of the HIV/ AIDS pandemic. I have stories upon stories of this show, including the 3hr long opening lineup of some 25-30 kenyan acts that played on stage before Jars of Clay but i won't get into them too deeply, just to say they were hilarious and both Steve-o and i shared many dances to these beats. Today i am able to realize how special this community of believers specifically placed in my life were to me, impacting my life in ways that only God had seen coming. God had used each of them so uniquely to shape who i would become. How blessed those days and memories are to me. Yet i long for them to be present again....
Sometimes i feel that God is not working through me while i am here in Chicago.
Sometimes i feel that i am of more use somewhere else
Sometimes i feel that if i wouldn't have been born into privilege, i would trust through faith in Christ more
Sometimes i feel that my plans and my story become ruble when i allow God to lay his hand on it
Sometimes i feel that God delivers me through this wreckage
Sometimes i feel that God blesses and grows me in this process
Sometimes i feel that God specifically placed those in my life to help me through this road
Sometimes i embrace it
ALWAYS God is Faithful
ALWAYS God is Gracious
ALWAYS God is Forgiving
You are faithful in your mercy
You are gracious to the weak
Your mercy, is more than enough
Mercy i need
To you oh lord i lift my soul